Expectations filled in a Bowl of Matta Rice

It is already 3 months since 2019 started and here I am still finding it difficult to adjust in writing 2019 in the year section of the date. I always need to make a mental note that we have entered 2019. For me 2018, was a year of learning, learning from struggles, bad experience and unpredictable events. As far as I can recall my last memory of 2017 was me not getting terminated. Even though 2017 ended on a very positive note, my 2018 didn’t start on a good note but as we know every coin has two sides, I had with me lined up some of the cherished and precious moments/incidents/stories of 2018, which touched my heart, all these incidents and events appeared in front of me in disguise of bad experience/incident but ultimately they turned out to be great life lessons, that took me one step closer to my journey to self-discovery

Here, I go with the first incident that happened in 2018.

As I always say, I am blessed and surrounded with kind and loving people in my life. Every person who enters my life hold their own unique place in my heart. This story is of a person who I met in 2017, he was a Nepali person and was my roommates Uncle. I used to call him,”Baba”. I met him through my roommate reference, he used to visit her niece and that is how we formed a unique bond. My equation with him was just like a Father Daughter bond, even though he is not that old. He is a man in his late thirties and has a beautiful wife and son in his country in Nepal. He is a Chef by profession and is really a great cook. He, his roommates, my roommates made the few handful people I trusted blindly in UAE (after my brother and office colleagues).

In SEPTEMBER 2017, we all shifted to a new building- Our owner was from Pakistan and in the room we were 4 girls when we first shifted, but after 1 month 2 girls left and 2 new ladies shifted, one was a lady hailing from Mumbai (A lady in her early Forties) and other was a girl from Nepal. I bonded with everyone but with Baba and his niece, I used to spend more time after my office hours. Baba used to live on the 8^th Floor and his niece and I used to share a room in the 2^nd floor of the same building. It was just like another family for me in UAE. I spent some of the most celebrated moments with all of them. We all used to eat together at night.  But if change is fated then even a split second can change everything. This one small incident that changed my approach towards life revolves around one thing, you can say, the hero of this story is “Matta Rice”. Yes! You read it right.

As a south Indian, I prefer Matta rice over white rice, every day after office, I used to cook rice and curry and then around 8.30 – 9.00 pm we all used to eat together at Baba’s room. Usually people do not like Matta rice , but Baba as a chef knew its health benefits and was the only one having it, so it kind of become a routine for me, cooking rice for both of us. This rice is prepared in a very different way and needs an extra effort than the normal. He used to cook for his niece and roommate and sometimes he used to bring food from his kitchen. This way my whole life was surrounded, occupied by people who I loved spending time with. No matter what the time, whether I am tired or not, I just used to adjust my plan as per theirs because I considered them no less than a family. But life cannot be same always, people change, relations change and many unexpected things happen. As per Murphy’s Law,

 "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong".

This is what exactly happened, during the time the sword of termination was hanging on my head, Baba was on annual leave, and I never informed anything to anyone- except to my family (No point in worrying over something which I cannot control). I was just taking life each day at a time. He came back in November-2017, I told him my situation and told him that I am serving my notice period and I am uncertain of my job. I was applying on different Job portals for job and was forwarding my CV to people I know. Not much hopeful and prepared my mind that I will go back to India, if that is what is fated for me, but before going back I’ll explore and try all the possible options. I forwarded my CV to Baba and my roommates. That phase was little stressful but as I was surrounded by positive people, I never actually felt the stress. Even though there was no hope still I was calm, happy and grateful that atleast I got this opportunity. I asked for universe for the best possible solution and in exchange of solution, I offered my faith and made a small wish, that if my problem is resolved and everything ends well then for 1 week, I will only eat fruits- that was the best I can do, because I believe the fact that “We do not get something from nothing” and miraculously, the problem got solved as my Manager, told me to continue even after the notice period ended, so as promised I started my fast (No salt, No sugar, only water and fruits). At that time, I used to cook rice only for Baba (Why he should fast because of me). I used to get tired, but my respect and admiration for him made me going, I always used to take stairs while going to 8^th Floor from 2^nd floor, as our building lifts were always busy.

It was the last day of my fast, I guess it was just the day when the Murphy’s Law played its best part, it was meant to happen. I came back from office, as usual I placed rice in the pressure cooker and I was doing some work on Laptop. Around 7.00 pm, I got the call from Baba, asking me to reach his room for food. I told him the rice is not yet prepared and it will take more half an hour so around 7.30 I will be there. He said, “Okay, I’ll be waiting”. I continued with my work and within 15 minutes he called me back to come up, saying the food is ready (Even though I was fasting, I just used to go up to accompany them, I used to eat fruits and give rice to Baba). I told him, “Okay I will be there, it is almost done, just need to strain the water”. I left all my work, in a hurry I did everything, I climbed all the way up and when I entered the room, there were guests there, I said hello to everyone and his roommates responded to my hello, Baba was doing something on the laptop, he didn’t even turn to respond. Assuming he is busy I sat on the bed. My roommate was already there, she was watching a movie. Guest and roommates were talking among themselves and in between surfing on their mobile phone. I was watching everyone, sitting all by myself. Many times in my past conversation with Baba, I used to say Baba and other people in his room, in fact it was the punch line I always used to say in a humorous way, “Iss Mobile ne sab ki Zindagi Karab kar di hai (This mobile has ruined everyone’s life)”, whenever they used to be on phone, when I used to visit their room and to grab their attention, I used to use this line. I absolutely hate the fact that when someone is talking with you and you are doing something on your mobile- I can understand when it is urgent and important and I don’t mind that, but it is seen that people just cannot resist that temptation to keep their phone aside. “I believe if I am giving my energy and time to someone, they should value it and expect the same from them” and this belief of me is what went wrong, I expected things to be certain way.

It was at that time, while I was sitting in that room all by myself, everyone busy in their phone. I always keep my phone aside whenever I talk with someone and is just not used to it. I tried indulging myself in the phone, but it is just not me. For no reason I was feeling really sad sitting there, a sudden realization and some thoughts and questions were piling up in my mind, Thoughts such as, What am I doing here? Why he called me twice when the food is still not ready? (He went outside once to look for the Daal that was placed on the stove, he passed by the door  to the kitchen and still he didn’t see me, he just passed by, maybe he was mentally wandering somewhere, he came back again and again started his work on laptop). I tried to shrug off all these thoughts? But they came out even stronger. The unanswered questions were bothering me, I felt ignored (I don’t know whether it was my ego or self-respect, but I felt really bad, I was doubting my presence in that room). I was doing my work on laptop, I left all my work, came all the way up just to spend some good time with the people who I thought valued my presence and loved my company. I was feeling as if my existence and presence is limited to that rice box only, I just came here to deliver the rice, my job is done here. I waited patiently for some more 15 minutes there, just sitting there and finally I decided to leave, because my own thoughts were suffocating my mind. I left the tiffin there, came out of the room, expecting someone will ask me where am I going, but no one even noticed while I left. I came out of their room, reached my room, left my phone on charging and went out for my evening walk- it helps me think and calm myself down. I was walking and my heart was just so heavy that I couldn’t understand why I am thinking this way. One part of me was trying to convince myself that, he really might be busy, you shouldn’t have left that way and the other part was telling, you did right, you took the right decision- otherwise the thoughts and bitterness rising to the surface of my mind would have made the situation worse. That struggle continued and I just kept walking. I was fighting with my own thought process, trying to reach to a solution where my mind and heart will be at peace. I cried a lot that day. When I came back home it was 10.00 pm. I lay down on my bed still restless, I checked my phone and there were 2 missed calls from Baba. It was late so I didn’t call back and to be honest I was angry and when I am angry I prefer silence for some time because I think it is better to be silent than uttering words that I might regret later.

Next morning I decided, I will take his call if he will call me. So I reached office. I was working and suddenly his Whatsapp message caught my attention. He greeted me Good Morning and asked me are you angry with me? What am I supposed to respond to that question, ” Good Morning, yes I am angry with you”(I didn’t reply- Because he didn’t even realize that I am angry- why a person will not reply to you or not take your calls, isn’t it obvious that the person is angry) because for me it was not the right question, I thought he will ask,” What happened, why you left yesterday or why are you angry?”, Atleast these questions I can answer. After that he never messaged. I reached home, hoping he might visit room and ask for explanation for my actions/behavior atleast in a scolding/rightful manner, but he didn’t show up. As usual I cooked the rice, packed it and handed it to her niece to give to him. Her niece who was my roommate too asked me the reason, I told her the reason with the intention that atleast Baba will indirectly know the reason. No reply, no message from his end that day. Next day, the same, I simply waited, in the evening her niece handed a rice bag to me telling,” Baba gave this bag, you were mentioning know, it got finished and he told me to inform you that no need to cook rice, he will eat it only if you go to his room and eat with him”. (Precap: My rice bag was almost finished, Baba and I used to buy rice bags on alternate basis so just before this incident (a night before we talked about it. He told me he will buy as it was his turn.))

I guess it was the bad phase, my mind was just not digesting the fact that this is happening, my heart was just not ready to go to his room (It just didn’t feel right), why can’t he talk with me, why is he not reaching out to me. Does I hold no value? These thoughts were causing the bitter person of my personality to rise. Even though he never messaged/called after that for straight 1 week, I always cooked rice of his share, but he straight away said no. Quantity wise it was very much for me because his intake was good, for three straight days, I ate that rice because I hate wasting food and finally I decided that if he doesn’t want to eat, I’ll stop making rice not even for myself. Why he sent the rice bag at the first place if he doesn’t want to eat? I stopped making rice. I kept the bag as it is. Never touched it and my mind was saying, “Just buy the same new rice bag and return it, he will cook for himself- but that would have hurt his ego or would have made situation even more worse, so I decided to let it be and wait, maybe he will understand, just give him some time” (I thought we shared a very nice bond, how long can be ignore). To my surprise, after that Good Morning message the one which he sent on the other day of the incident, he never tried reaching me by any of the sources and my mind was just not willing to accept this. Was it that difficult for him? Does I not exist for him anymore? Is this my ego or his? Am I wrong? Is it too late now, many questions were bothering me. I was talking with his niece in a normal way but our equation also began to change, she now started spending less time in the room, at instance she started ignoring me. I never understood, what wrong I did to her. I was restless and was unable to resolve this issue between us and get hold of the situation.

Seeing my situation, my other roommate- The lady from Mumbai, (she has her own interesting story which I will share in future blogs) she was there to support me, I didn’t use to eat, so she used to keep food for me. She used to understand my situation, my bond with her grew stronger with each passing day, but at the back of my mind I always wanted to mend/end things on a comfortable note with Baba. I always try correcting a situation from my end. My third roommate, one day told me it is almost 2 weeks, new year is also about to come, I know you are restless and confused, you shared a nice bond with him, “if he is not approaching you, you go talk, what is the problem? Okay just try a Whatsapp message, then it will be clear whether he cares or not, he is elder to you, there is no shame in keeping your ego aside. Atleast you will reach a decision”. I took her advice and that day I cooked rice again and dropped him a message at around 8.00 pm that the rice is cooked, in case you have not finished your dinner. I got his message, “Thank you but we already finished eating” and there the conversation ended again. That was unexpected, atleast I tried conversing but that was the end. I was hurt, because I just felt the coldness in emotions.

On 28^th December 2017, the day was Thursday, her niece was not at home, she used to go for Part time job on Thursdays. I got a call from Baba at around 10.00 pm, which is really an odd time for me. I was wondering for few time whether to take the call or not and the call got disconnected. Many thoughts were crossing my mind, the only possible answer that came in my mind was , he is calling at this hour just to know why his niece didn’t go up to eat, or is she at room or maybe now he wants to talk to me. While I was in this dilemma and was lost in my own thoughts, the phone rang one more time and I missed it. I decided, 3^rd ring and I will pick it up quickly but there was no 3^rd ring, I didn’t had the balance and I had nothing to talk now because I don’t know why he was calling me. Oh damn, did I just lost that opportunity to mend things. I just left the topic.

Next day, on Friday 29^th Dec, I suddenly recalled that it is my roommates Birthday. I wished her in the morning. I was home as it was my off, she got ready for her birthday bash. Before leaving the room, she asked, “why didn’t you take Baba’s call, yesterday he was trying to reach you to include and invite you to Surprise Birthday party which he has planned for me today, you are too much, why are you doing this way, just leave it know, how long will you stay angry”. Oh great! Now I am a cold hearted and insensitive person too. But he could have dropped me a simple message, if I didn’t take the call (I thought in my mind). She left, I was at home and I was retrospecting the whole situation and for me now I need to take a decision and that whole day I decided to reach to a solution. I cannot stay hanging in dilemma forever.

I first decided to clear the accounts that was pending, I just do not accept favors which is not out of love but just for the sake of formality. I made my mind, I will buy a new rice bag and hand it to him. If he wants to eat/not, it is his choice.  What’s the point in keeping it, when he is not eating, if I will not cook, atleast he can. I decided, let New Year 2018 be the day of decision. On 1^st Jan 2018 New Year, I did all my daily work, did grocery shopping and in the evening handed the bag to her niece and told her. “Please take this back I cannot keep this if he is not eating, he can do anything with this, he can use it and if he doesn’t want, he can give it away in charity, it is like charity to me and I do not accept charity so I cannot keep it”

Within half an hour of my action baba reached in my room, I was happy to see him after so long, I just turned my face to the other side to control my smile. Aunty was in the room. He entered the room pretending to be normal but through his movements I can figure out that he is angry. Just to start on a rather calm mood, I asked him, “so finally you remember me” (I meant it in humorous sense) but he was pissed off, he said why you sent rice bag back saying give it in charity, you just cannot say that way and that you don’t accept charity, I tried to give my explanation that if he is not eating then why should I keep it? The talk was rather taking an ugly turn. So I tried explaining him the complete story in brief starting from that incident day till New Year day, trying to explain him why I did what I did. I told him to atleast once I was expecting him to talk/scold me in a rightful way, he said, “I came after you that day, I came till main door and then I left”. What is the point in doing this, how would I know, you came when you didn’t even enter the room and while going for a walk, I didn’t see anyone, neither at the door nor nearby lift? But soon I realized I am wasting my time explaining things because

“People only hear what they want to hear”

Just to make him realize how I felt I asked him a question in a form of example, the following question was put forth by me,

“Assume, you have a daughter, because of your ignorance and no time she feels hurt and she gets angry and go to her friends place. She stays there and doesn’t come back, what will you do?”

I was not expecting the answer which he gave me, he said,” I’ll let her stay there, when her anger will go away she will automatically come back”.

Listening to his answer I don’t know why, I felt really bad, how can you not go to your daughter? What she wanted is just your time and energy. She is your daughter.

To his reply, my instant reply was, “Oh, Thank God! You don’t have  a daughter”-(Baba has a son back home in Nepal), his expression changed and he said,” Insha’Allah, I will have one!” and it took no time for me to realize in which sense he took my words, “ He took it as a curse” but I didn’t meant it that way. It was an example, the discussion just went haywire and out of control, I wanted to cry but I didn’t, I tried explaining him in which sense I meant, I still regret uttering those words, He told me, “I never thought Eswari you are such a negative person and to this I said, “Yes if you think I am negative then be it, you will no longer will have that negative person in your life”(I couldn’t continue any further), I said I don’t want to talk anymore on this topic, I just left the room and went out to calm myself. It was the night of 1^st January 2019, and the decision I was waiting for was out. My heart beats were so audible to me in my eardrums that I thought it will just explode, the urge to control my tears was failing. I felt so helpless and after walking for a long time, I reached the beach and seeing the water, everything inside me just calmed down. It was like a silence after the big storm. I was repeating the whole incident again and again. I tried convincing myself that I guess I was too attached, I expected things to be certain way and it didn’t happen that way that is why I am having this emotional outburst. I just ruined a bond which I thought was strong but it never was, right at its root. He existed for me but I never did exist for them. They just don’t need me.  For me they were family but for them I was just the other person whose company they loved. How can I be such an emotional fool? I decided, okay so this is it. Now in future, if he talks, I’ll talk or else I will never ever be that fool who will be spending her time and energy on someone for whom I just don’t exist. Decision was taken. I got hold of my silly heart and emotions and came back home, now more relaxed.

I busied myself in my own world, with Aunty (My roommates) always by my side- but I was maintaining safe distance from everyone. Baba’s niece now stopped talking with me, she separated all her stuff, she now used to convey message to me through aunty, and I never know why she did it that way. I never actually did anything wrong to her. We were staying in the same room, but we never talked. I talked with aunty and the other roommates. Suddenly both my roommates Aunty and that other Nepali girl left around mid-January 2018 (Aunty went back to India because her mother met with an accident and that other Nepali girl went to annual leave and was shifting to the other room too). I and Baba’s niece were now only two people living in that room. Earlier my plans used to depend on other person’s plan but now, I was making use of my time for myself. I used to have so much time that it sort of became a routine- doing things at my own time, going to office, coming back home cooking food, eating healthy, going out for a walk, watching movie, reading books and getting enough sleep. During that time I used to talk to very few people such as the Owner’s daughter and there entered a lady in my life. She came as a neighbor to my room in the month of Jan 2018. She is a Sri Lankan lady married to an Indian Man, they have an adorable daughter. When she came she tried making conversation in the kitchen but was hesitant, I never initiated any talk, I just used to do my work and leave. Now we share a very nice relation, I call, her “Aaka”, she and aunty are two of the valued relations I earned in 2018. Even though I lost some but I guess it was for the higher good. Because my further meeting with Baba gave me further clarity about life and about people.

A person cannot change in a single day, my nature is to mend things and most importantly end things in a correct way. One thing was always at the back on my mind. I regretted uttering those words about the daughter thing to Baba, so I thought I should just clarify it, this thing was always bothering me. February 2018 passed by. In March 2018, Baba’s niece brought her elder sister as a roommate. So now I have two people. I was friendly with her sister just the usual Hello and how you are things, but Baba’s niece never actually talked and I never forced. If someone doesn’t want to talk I will never force, I will not even look, I can assume the room is empty, their existence I can decline, I can stay like this but trust me staying in the same room, and as a human being I just sometimes feel emotions are something that connect us to life, if she doesn’t want to talk fine, if I want to inform her something I will do directly. I used to ask her normal things like whether she needs AC/light and stuff like that but it used to end there only. I will not use a third person to convey a message but my roommate did. She used to use aunty and sometimes owner’s daughter to pass on the message.

One time around March end around 10.00’o clock, that Nepali girl who left the room in Jan 2018, called, because she came back from vacation, even though she took all her stuff, she left her mattress behind, she said, she will send her friend to collect it after she will leave the room, but her friend never came, the mattress was on the bed and my roommates elder sister used it after she joined us in the month of March 2018.  That day, I was in dilemma, how can I touch her sister’s stuff, her sister normally used to have night shift, so she used to come in the morning, my roommate was sleeping as she had her job at 6.00’o clock. What should I do, Should I wake her up? Should I do shift the stuff myself? Or say nothing? Her friend didn’t come and to my relief, my roomates got up suddenly to go to the washroom, I took the opportunity and informed her that the other girl is coming to take the mattress, it would be easy, if she will shift her things from the bed as per her/your convenience, so that the friend can simply get the mattress and leave. She said okay and she cleared the mattress and then she slept. The friend came around 10.45 pm, collected the mattress and left.

I have this ability to hide my presence by maintaining silence, I can do this forever. I only intent that because of me no one should get disturbed. So I used to plug in the cords in my ears to avoid their (my roommates) conversations, mostly watching series.  I believe and follow this policy where,

“Once I feel I am avoided by Someone, I Never disturb them again”

But trust me, preparing your mind to ignore a person/decline their presence when they are always around you is difficult as hell, I managed to do this till April 2018. My annual leave was pending for the month of May 2018. I had some work to handle in India. So I was visiting India in the month of May 2018. I got my travel date and ticket planned and booked for 8^th May 2018. I decided that after I come back, I‘ll shift to other room and the decision was locked. I will start fresh.

But before going I wanted to take care of one matter, My heart was just not willing to accept the scenario that the person I shared a nice bond once, if I want to end it, I should end it in a proper way. 

I was very much reserved to myself. I was basically overthinking every day after 1^st January’s fight about the words I uttered. I was stuck there. In the Feb 2018 month, I dropped a Whatsapp message to Baba, telling him, I want to meet, need to explain something, neither your room, nor mine, we can meet outside. He said, “You already hurt me by saying some things, I don’t want to talk further on this, wasn’t it enough what you said, it is okay, if you want to talk on message. I said,” Messages are deceiving, it leads to more misunderstanding. I will prefer one on one talking “and he said no and last message he typed, “If you anytime need me Eswari I will always be there”.  My final text message to him, I bond with people not out of need, it is heart that I see”. After typing this, I deleted his no. forever. I tried everything to resolve but in vain.

After this message we crossed paths many times in the month of March, he smiled, I responded, we met as stranger, just the normal Hi, Hello, how are you question? After that he started visiting his niece again, coming to our room, but his behavior used to be different, this was his different side , in room he never even used to look at me. It was something which I thought was weird, he used to talk normally when we meet outside, but in front of his niece he would not even used to talk. Her niece stopped talking with me because of my fight with him. But I never could understand, why was there much difference in his behavior with me outside the room and during his visit to room. Okay so I never said anything, I just kept quiet because after seeing his this side, now it doesn’t even matter. Again March end, when I was out for my walk on Corniche, we coincidentally met, he was staking. He called me from behind, I was listening to Radio Mirchi, we walked back home together and we talked normally. He told me about his roommates and everyone. I just listened. He said in April he will be shifting to other room, I said,” That is a good News! “And we parted ways. In April he shifted I guess. I didn’t see him after that under the building.

I informed my Room owner in the month of April while giving rent that I will be going and leaving the room in the month of May 2018, I will stay till 8^th May and I will take all my stuff, (in UAE we are supposed to give one month prior notice). After I gave the notice, my roommate/ Baba’s Niece also gave the notice and said that they (She her and her sister) will leave in the month of May 2018, mentioning her job location shifted. I was okay with everything, in fact I thought I could plan better if no know is in the room, I can move around freely. The news didn’t affect me much. Now I was all set to go back to India for my vacation and I was busy planning, shopping and packing things. Month of April 2018 passed by without much stress.

But how can a story end without a twist, and that twist was,” Aunty”. My decision to leave was final, but just 2-3 days before the month of April 2018 was about to end, Aunty called and said she is back in UAE. She doesn’t know anyone, so she came back to the same room. She said, we will go together, you go on your leave, come back and then we will shift to other room. She convinced me that we will definitely go, you just keep your remaining baggage here, and I will be here. Pay half month rent as they are allowing you to keep your stuff. Earlier my plan was to keep the other non-carrying baggage at my brother’s place which was a very hectic job because his place was 1 hour away from mine and taxi was no option and shifting things in Bus is really exhausting. I got convinced, now everything was sorted. I and aunty were staying together. I paid half rent for May month. Aunty said she will search room in the month of May and as soon as I will be back in June, we will directly shift to the new room. Plan changed and modified. My other roommate (Baba’s niece and her elder sister) shifted their stuff on 1st May 2018 and Baba came for their help and that was the last time I saw them all. Just like that, no exchange of words. The end

I was happy with the things ended. Atleast I tried to save a relation from my end but I guess nothing ever works out as planned. I ended things with Baba in a way that I do not regret anything now.

“Some people are better left in your past no matter how bad you want them in your present”

I was happy that I will be leaving the room and no longer need to live in the past memories. I was happy because I was about to meet my family soon. On 8^th May 2018, I left UAE to spend my annual leave in India and the story continues…..

This is how my New Year 2018 started. The expectations that begin with a bowl of Matta rice expecting nothing but that same time and energy, made me person I am today, a person who now doesn’t expect anything from anyone. People who truly cares stay in my life and people who don’t just drift apart and I that choice I have given to the other person. No expectations, No Disappointments, No regret.

Expectation hurts, I always knew this quote but that took me 4 months (Jan 2018 to April 2018) to realize how difficult it is, when this words are put into action but once you pass that phase, that test. Trust me, there is nothing that can take away your happiness because one thing I learned after coming out of that phase is that we our self are responsible for our own actions. I suffered because I chose to suffer. It was not his mistake, my own thoughts, over care, few expectations and assumptions were the reason for my emotional and mental torture. If I am doing something for someone that is my choice which I will/should never regret doing because no one forced me to do it. Acceptance of this simple theory can do miracles. In fact I am now so grateful that this incident happened in my life because it changed my approach towards life. I am the same person, the same vulnerable and naive person always meeting new people, observing things, appreciating the nature and listening to people’s approach towards life. It is amazing how easily you accept and understand things when you put yourself in other person’s shoes, you realize why a certain person behave in a certain way. It then just becomes so easy to forgive and forget. Now in 2019 I am a person who believe in love, care, giving, kindness, living and cherishing each moment of my breath and life, living in the present, facing the daily struggles and I can do this because I simply stopped expecting anything from anyone. I am the creator and carving hands of my life. So believe in yourself and

“Don’t regret knowing the people who come into your life

Good People give you Happiness

Bad People give you Experience

The worst one give you Lessons and

The Best people give you memories”

And the journey continues……………..

The Sword of Termination

"Patience is not about how long you can wait but on how you behave while waiting"

I got my termination letter. A termination letter drafted by me having my name on it. The day was 14th November 2017, when one of my sirs emailed me my termination letter. It was hardly six months since I joined and here I was on the cross road of termination and going back home, my first job and my first termination. It was not sudden. I knew this is going to happen so it was nor shocking nor surprising for me.

Why is that, when everything is working out smoothly there always comes a wave which disturbs that steadiness and stability? In my life that wave was my termination letter. I was happy with the ways things were moving. I made good friends, they were like another family, I even shifted to a new room where I made many beautiful and trustworthy relations. Everything was on track. I was living fully while on the other hand our company was finding it difficult even to survive, I was well aware of the fact that the company was facing financial crises. I was able to sense that tension way before other employees got their termination letter and even before the decision was made.

This was the time I knew I have to stay calm and just trust the process. I warned about our company situation and the uncertainty of my job to my family. They were fine with it but I was not. This was the time a struggle was going on inside me, what I’ll do, how is life going to be and at the same time I was trying to convince myself that maybe my time in UAE is over and that I should make a fresh start. I was back to square one, I had no choice,  things were not in my control, how I deal with the situation was in my control, after all I was not the only one, more than half of the employees got their termination letter, I happened to be one of them. We all were serving our one month notice period.

Every employee in the office was in tension, I could see their shoulders loaded with an additional baggage of finding a new job and the sadness on their face. I started updating my CV with the hope to get a new job. I am not sure why but instead of finding a new job in UAE, my heart was telling me to go back to India. I finally made a deal with myself, I will not run, I will try looking for other job in that 1 month time, if I get job I’ll take it and if I don’t, I will happily go back to India. I prepared my CV and one particular day my manager asked me, "Did you update your CV?” I was surprised when he told me to show him my CV and cover letter for correction and modification. He even gave me tips and suggestions on what to include and what not to include in the CV. If you think, isn't it a funny moment, where a boss is helping his employee to find a new job? and that day my respect for him stepped up.  After that I started posting my CV on job portals. Time was running out. I wonder do these job portals even work. I didn't get a single response.

Even though I got my termination letter, I don’t know why, I was not stressed out, I was cool with everything, having the attitude of “If I stay, it is good but if I don’t it is even better”, Everything happens for a reason and maybe life after this will take me one step closer to the life I wished for, you never know what treasure life is holding, unless you stop resisting. During this 1 month time, I discovered one of my personality traits which I didn’t even consider as a trait i.e., smiles. Yeah, smile and laughter. Usually I smile a lot, but I realized that when I am stressed out or in tension, I smile more than usual, in fact I laugh. One of my colleague even commented that in this situation of tension I shouldn't laugh that loud. I stay cheerful. I was always this way. I recall, when I was in University, one of my seniors asked, why are you always smiling and my simple reply was, “tension leke kya hoga" (what good will happen by taking tension). Maybe that is the reason I was not feeling the tension of same intensity. We all know life keeps moving, no matter what. I knew taking tension was not going to solve my problem.

"Worrying doesn't take away tomorrow's troubles; it takes away today's peace”

I was living in the present moment. The secret of being happy is to accept where you are in life and making the most out of every day. I have learned this a hard way. Smiling and accepting defeat/truth is an effective way to attain peace of mind. Last 4-5 days of my notice period were left, my manager called me in his cabin and told me that, "Everyone will be going today or tomorrow, as you know, we are searching for clients to sell our business, but in vain, we will take a chance to save the business in the next 3 more months, if you want, you can stay for the next three months, after that we will figure out something." I simply nodded (in words, I wanted to say, I would love to stay till the end, no matter what the end will be). I can understand how difficult it can be for a person who has given his time, blood & sweat for setting up a business, working 24 hrs a day, only thinking of that business, our manager did everything he can do to save the business or at least delay the D-Day. He was calm & strong during that time, trying to help other employees in finding other jobs and doing everything that was in his control. I would have shattered in such a situation because two things I couldn't stand, one is "the feeling of helplessness" & other is “you being the reason for someone's disappointment". The inability to help others when they most need us is very painful. But throughout that time he was composed and I never saw emotions taking control over his mind. Mostly labors got affected by this decision. Finding a job in UAE is difficult, many labors are the sole bread winner for their family, after knowing their stories, their need, if I know that management decision is going to add misery to their situation with no way out, I would have broken inside, not because the business is dying/ I worked so hard but, because of one decision, many lives are getting affected and I am helpless. The D-day came and on 15th December 2017, I bid most of my colleagues a farewell, only hoping best life for them.

Subconsciously during that time, I learned a most important lesson that, 

"Sometimes we have to make difficult choices instead of holding on to false hope, we all have struggles in life but we have to continue to fight. We need to accept what we cannot change, because either way the result will be same only the state of mind will differ".

Smiling was and is my defense mechanism to tackle stressful situation and trust me it works and it even doesn't cost anything. Face every day by wearing a smile on your face and you will be amazed how beautiful life can become. I was told three months but my journey continued.......... the sword of termination didn't slice me in fact it gave me a permanent shield of "acceptance of the uncertainty" & an evergreen friend, "smile".

"Smile is a free therapy"

#Smile always

An Angel in Disguise or A Devil with a Mask

I was enjoying my life with my new roommates. Days were passing by swiftly. Things were changing, I was learning and always working on my routine to make time for the things I love to do such as reading, writing, walking, meditating etc. One of my habit which I never changed was going for a walk. I always somehow manage to make time  to go for a walk in a day either in the morning or in the evening. It is the time when I spend quality time with myself, it helps me clear my head, read my thoughts and recharge my energy. It is the time when I make important decisions of my life that in normal hour I usually procrastinate. This might sound weird but I don't like people accompanying me when I go for a walk, that one hour time is all mine and I don't like sharing it with anyone because then it is like a normal chit chatting time where  my mind will be distracted. This incident which I am sharing took place after one month or so after I shifted to my new room. I was on my way to take a regular walk after my dinner and something strange happened. On my way there came a strong built man in his late thirties asking me electra(Place where I stay) KFC address, I guided him with the way but god knows why he continued talking to me, telling me about himself and kept on asking me useless and annoying questions like am I married?  Where am I going? I was not comfortable and when we reached KFC, I told him this is the spot, I was relieved that atleast now I don't need to bear his questions, but what he said next definitely scared and surprised me, he said " Of course I know where Electra KFC is, I know this place very well, I stay here only, I approached you because I figured out that you are an Indian and even my bhabi is from India, I am a pakistani and is single just like Salman Khan "(At the back on my mind I was thinking why on earth he is telling me this things, what should I do if he is a Salman Khan fan or his bhabi is from India. Salman khan has many fans and his bhabi's homecountry being India doesn't makes him a trustworthy person) and then told me that there is this bedspace if I need place to stay in future. He was wasting my precious hour of the day but still I didn't lose my calm & was trying my best to get rid of him by answering that I don't need any bedspace and is happy with my current place and that I am in a hurry. But he kept on insisting me to save his number in case I need it in future, if I am looking for bedspace in future. At the back of my mind my thoughts were," Ja na bhai, nahi chahiye tera number, mujhe akela chod do please, I am really not interested in this talk and you are wasting my time" I so wanted to utter these words to him but I couldn't. But he kept telling me, "what's wrong in saving a number for future correspondence". Now he was getting on my nerves, I was facing difficulty in getting rid of him beacuse I was scared and angry at the same time.  Further he asked me where am I going ? To which I said to the nearby shop and with this I started to walk hurriedly. He too started walking with me and continued to gave me his unpleasant company telling me that he is going the same way.

I couldn't figure a way out. But you see help comes when you most need it. Help came to me when suddenly I saw a man near KFC where I used to see him regularly on my way to walk. I always used to see this old man with his two grandson. We never talked. He gave me familiar look, I greeted him and he started talking to me. I guess he somehow was able to sense my uncomfortness with that man. We started talking to which that Pakistani man went ahead and eventually disappeared in the streets. I was really grateful to this old man, He was from kerala and was living with his son in Abu Dhabi and usually gets out at this hour i.e., 9.00 pm to take a walk with his grandsons. I talked to that old man till the time I was assured that I no longer can see that pakistani guy. We talked a little and then one of his grandsons told him to get them home, kids were getting bored. So he turned to his home direction and told me to come along so that he can accompany me to my home to assure my safety. I started walking along with him. He told me that from my body language he figured out that I was uncomfortable with that man so he came for my rescue. He told me he know that kind of people , he came near me and touched my back and uttered in a low voice, " I know this kind of people, they just want to f**k you" These were his exact words. You have no idea how I felt that very moment. I escaped from one trap and fell into another, this was the first thought that crossed my mind. It was like "aasaman se gire aur khajoor me atake" Now the very person who helped me, I started doubting him, don't know why? Maybe because he told me the truth using harsh words that kerala side people don't use. As a south Indian I know south Indian people are very conservative and polite in language. I now was trying to figure out ways to escape his company in a way that might not hurt his respect because I was not sure what I was thinking about him made sense or not. In the mean time we reached his building. He told me to wait outside his building till the time he safely drop his grandsons to home. I told him that I can go home from here but he was continuously insisting me to wait till the time he will come back which didn't make sense to me, Still I said "okay". I could see him disappearing in the building with his two grandsons. There were some guys sitting on the building staircase, I was already scared and feeling uneasy and above it waiting like this was making me more uncomfortable, I waited outside his building for a minute or so. I desperately wanted to reach home and somewhere in, there was a struggle going on between my heart & brain so I decided to go with my gut feeling.

" Always trust your gut. because if you feel something is wrong that's because it usually is"

I left from there without a word and till the time I reached home I was repeatedly turning back to see that no one is following me. I was so terrified that I felt like every other person on the street is staring at me , I don't know when my eyes became wet and I could feel tears in my eyes. Some tears rolling down my cheeks  Somehow I gathered myself and reached home safely with only one feeling " Fear". I directly went to the washroom to splash some cold water on my face to calm myself and then I went to my bed and tried sleeping but that incident was bothering me with many thoughts flooding my mind. For many days after this incident I didn't went out for a walk and it was suffocating. So I decided to let go off all my fears and doubts and I again started going on walk. It is when I understood the true meaning of the lines which I read on Courage, which said,

"Courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyway"

I am not sure about the second person. It might be that I misinterpreted his intentions, he actually might be trying to help me out and his direct use of words might have scared me. But already the decision was taken and I left that, what' s done is done, there is no looking back. I think you never know what is there on other person' s mind so I guess I took the right decision. Guilty about only one thing that if at all that second person is good hearted, I considered him a bad guy, guilty for doubting and picturing him that way because considering his age he is like a grandfather figure to me.   I don' t know what I did was right or wrong ? All I can say that both were strangers so, I couldn't trust anyone irrespective of country, cast, creed, colour, nationality & race. I chose to trust myself and I am thankful to god for his grace and blessing and for giving me right state of mind at that very moment to take that step and for the decision to leave.

So I suggest everyone,
"Be careful who you trust ,The devil was once an angel"


Post Script: Again after one month or so from this incident. I went for Grocery shopping. I was with a friend, we were tired so sat on a bench which was there outside the supermarket. Suddenly out of blue that pakistani man came, he saw me but this time he approached my friend and asked for a random address. I was sitting right next to my friend. I told him just don't answer this man, he is crazy and fooling you. So we simply got up and left. Initially my friend couldn't understand why I said that but once I narrated my story, he finally got the point. My first encounter with this man was scary but this time it was funny. All we did was laugh

Although one question is still bothering me about that second man, was he an angel in disguise or a devil with a mask?

The Crazy Man Next Door

Independence feels great. It either makes you a successful and confident person or a lost / directionless person depends how you use your freedom and who you surround yourself with. Being away from family made me more responsible and observant. On 12th May 2017, my independent journey began, I was all by myself, learning, observing and understanding things. My colleague arranged for my accomodation in UAE, where I shifted on 12th May 2017. There I was all alone, in a foreign land, with nobody by my side but I was not scared because everyone I met were kind and helpful. When I first saw the room, to be more specific it was not a room, it is called partition. In UAE, most people stay in partition/bedspace because rooms are expensive here. Partitions are like a room divided into many parts by putting a wooden barrier/wall in between. Sometimes a single room is divided into 2 to 4 partitions depending on the size of the room and the partition has enough space to fit a double deck bed and little space for arranging your stuff. You feel like you are staying in a train compartment. Mine was a partition where two people can stay and  till now I was alone (No sharing).  It was a small room divided into 2 partition.

Next day when I came back from office, I saw a man enter the other partition. It was scary and uncomfortable. I am not used to stay like this, in simple words, I was sharing a room with a stranger and the only protecting /distanting factor was, was that "wooden wall". This experience was awkward and a little uncomfortable because even though you cannot see anything on the other side of the partition because of the wooden barrier but you can hear everything(Even your yawning sound). He was the guy in his late 30's.

I used to get alert whenever he used to enter his partition. For weeks I didn't see his face, only the noise that someone is next door. I used to lock my door whenever he used to enter his partition. Half of my time was spent in the office and after office, I used to get home,cook my food, have my dinner, go for walk and then come back, read something and then   sleep. I had and still have a perfect schedule which keeps me busy, I was away from the room most of the time. That stranger's presence or absence really didn't matter. I was cool as long as the other person is within his/her zone not interfering in my personal space. I used to give a sigh of relief whenever I used to see that the other side of the partition is locked. The man next door didn't have any schedule, he doesn't had a fixed timing.Weeks passed and I don't know who my neighbour is. Only his silhouette is what I used to see. Whenever he used to enter his partition, my next move used to be is to lock the door and sleep. I have an advantage which most people doesn't have, I am a peaceful and deep sleeper. Once I am asleep no noise can disturb my sleep. Everything was working fine for me.

One day I came back home from office and the door of that other partition was open, while unlocking my door, the stranger next door immediately questioned me, "Who is there?". His voice was rough and loud. It was then when I saw my neighbour for the first time, he was a person from some Middle east country(from his accent), his english was good and could speak Arabic. I turned towards his door and said," I stay here". He said," Oh, sorry, I thought someone else is there, it's good to meet you.......".  Looking at him I figured out that he is a regular drinker and was in some kind of trouble/trauma because he was blabering things. He continued saying," ...........it's just that I don't know how can people stay in rooms like this, it is so small and, I don't believe I am staying in a place like this, it's so frustating." All I said is " Yeah, yeah, okay" and I immediately entered my room and locked it. I could feel my heart beats racing. That stranger who was staying next door, who I didn't know for weeks and was okay with it, after meeting him a feeling of fear engulfed me. The first impression of that man was scary. Any one can say he is a crazy, frustated with life, troubled and mentally disturbed person. That night I couldn't sleep because it made me realize where I am living. That man is strong enough to bring that wooden wall down in one hard knock if anything goes wrong. All I did was pray and wish not to have an encounter with him again. I somehow managed to sleep, shrugging off my fear.

After that encounter with my crazy neighbour, I couldn't sleep properly for many nights, I used to get scared even at a small noise. I was careful with everything, trying to make as little noise as possible, handling and managing all the things without making noise(thinking it might piss him off). I was living in fear in my own room. I am grateful that the man was respectful towards me that day and that he never tried talking to me. Slowly, I was coming back to my normal self. But fear somehow find its way to come back. 

One night when the man next door came back, I thought he will have his food and will go to sleep in a while. I was trying to sleep , it was late and I had office the next day. Usually what happened till now is,  I never paid attention when he entered or left his room(I guess most of the times he used to come late at night and till that time I used to be fast asleep, this way I was able to sleep at night ) but today I was not asleep and can hear his every movement. He was doing something with the plastic bags(May be opening/looking for something) and the voice was disturbing me, I was unable to sleep. I could hear him talking and then I realized he was talking on the phone (the phone was on speaker), he was talking with some lady in a high pitch, initially he was asking for forgiveness and asking her to come back to him and that he'll change, later hearing her answer he started using abusive words and I can say that he was drunk and the converstion was raising his temper. Suddenly he hit his fist hard on the wooden wall and that made me jump out of my bed. I was scared. He was shouting on the phone and when he disconnectd the phone, he continued abusing loudly. He was banging his hand in anger, in between kicking the wall and continuously using abusive words and talking to himself loudly. I cannot do anything because I was inside and was so scared to even try peeking out of my partition ( If his door is open, he can see me clearly leaving my room so I thought it is safe inside and I decided not to take any risks) and also it was late at night (Didn't want to disturb anyone, it is better that only one person gets disturbed than many). So I just sat on my bed helplessly. I tried shifting my attention from the noise and banging by reading an e-book but it was not helping. Fear gripped my heart and "what if?"questions were bothering me. After some time, the noises lowered, I guess he was calming himself down and in the process he started singing songs loudly(I didn't understand what to do whether to cry or laugh?). It was 3 at night and this man has ruined my sleep and he doesn't even know that because he was not in his senses.  I tried sleeping and eventually sleep got the better of fear. I managed to sleep  for some 2 to 3 hours that night( correction- next morning). It was my worst and the most scary night. Next morning I decided that I'll tell the room owner to change my room, with that thought I went to office.

Even though I was staying in a partition but I was paying rent of only bedspace(It was a room for two people and I was the only one staying in my partition, my upper bed was empty) which was a loss for the owner because if you are staying in partition no matter how many people are there, you have to pay the full partition rent, so the owner  always used to tell me that he will transfer me to other room. Initially I was not willing to change my room(Because I was enjoying my personal space and freedom) but now I desperately wanted to change my room. I took that point and talked with the owner that evening, not revealing about my ruined sleep because of that crazy man(thinking he might get in trouble because of my complaint). It was last week of May month. The owner responded," I will transfer you to other bedspace and the rent for that bedspace will be same as you are paying here and you will be sharing your room with two other Nepali girls, you won't be having any problem there, people there are nice and helpful" and on the same day, he took me to show me that room. It was in other flat but same building and same floor. Again it was a big room divided into 4 partitions. In one partition there was a Bangladeshi Couple, in second partition there was a  Nepali couple, in third partition there were two boys (One was a Pakistani guy and other an Indian)and in fourth partition there were two Nepali girls, where I will be joining them soon. This partition was spacious compared to my current partition and mine was an upper bed. There was a big window to which our bed was joined. I could see the outside view (which was beautiful) from my would be bed. When asked by the owner," What do you think about the room?" I immediately said" Yes, I am okay with the room and is ready to shift next month". On 1st June 2017, I happily shifted to my new room with new people surrounding me. Next Day I arranged my things. Both my roomates were co-operative and made space for my things. Everyone was nice and helpful. Apart from our room, there were three more rooms with partitions in it and all these rooms had one main door, one kitchen and two washrooms in common. I became acquainted to all the people from the new flat in a short span of time. Everyone was friendly. Life had taken a new turn.

In UAE, rents at paid at the start of each month. I get my salary on the 10th of each month, so on 10th I went to give rent to the owner and casually he asked me the reason for my decision to change the room, I told him my experience of that night, hearing which the owner told me the story of that man next door. He narrated ," He was homeless, so I brought him here. He is an engineer, a very intelligent man but lost his job and everything in his life came falling down. I knew him, so out of humanity I brought him here, thinking atleast he will have a roof above his head(it is better than staying on streets), he is not paying me anything for this room. He may be frustated in life but he will not harm anyone, you should have told me before".

I said," It's okay, now I am comfortable and happy in my new room, what's gone is gone". Saying this I left the room. The owner used to stay right next to my previous room, so while going to my room, I paused at the door of my previous room, the door was locked, I didn't open it. Sometimes it's better to let things be the way they are.

Life teaches us many things every now and then. After knowing that man's story, all I could feel for him was sympathy. I felt bad for him. I was not angry or scared anymore. He was going through the worst phase of his life, and me seeing (or you can say "listening") his behavior in his worst phase was a sheer coincidence. Maybe that was his way of dealing with problems. He was hurting himself that day by banging hands, kicking the wall and using abusive words to take out his frustation.  Maybe he didn't realize that I was next door and his actions might disturb /scare me. That night was tough for me but after hearing his story and comparing my one time conversation and that night experience with that man, I can say, it was extremely tough for that man himself. He was going through that feeling of helplessness, frustation and hoplesseness every single day. 

I am grateful that I didn't add to his misery by doing silly things such as fighting with him/complaining against him. I just hope everything gets better again in his life. 

The reason to share this experience is that it taught me to stay calm and be patient while dealing with hard situations. It taught me that,  

"There  is a story behind every person. There is a reason why they are the way they are. Think about that and respect them for who they are. Never take action without taking a thoughtful moment. Think, understand and then decide. Your actions/steps may add to the person's misery but your inaction,if not help but will definitely not add problems in the other person's life. Try to understand that other person's perceptive, situation and story before judging, fighting or acting against them."

By God's grace that crazy man was not that crazy to hurt/harm someone. I moved on in my life leaving behind the scary memories and was happy that my one month stay in that partition with "THE CRAZY MAN NEXT DOOR" was over. 

I was now ready to uncover a new story that life has planned for me. To write a new chapter with lots of bitter sweet experiences that was about to give me wisdom, reality check but still the belief that " Humans have not yet reached that phase where they cannot turn back, We still have a chance to make this world a better, happy and peaceful place for everyone"

I would like to end this story with a quote by Jane Clayson Johnson

" In every person's story there are unknowns-struggles only they know about, fears that they've tried to overcome but still harbor, disappointments & sorrow they bear. The last thing any of us wants-or needs- is to be judged by other who don't know our stories, in parts or at all"

# Be Patient, Be Calm and Be empathetic

P.S. : After 1 month, I saw that man again in our building elevator, he didn't gave me a sign of recognition (Maybe on the day we conversed, he was drunk and so he does not remember my face), he looked sober.  I was wondering whether everything has fallen in place in his life and that is still an unanswered question for me.

Journey from Visa visa to Employment Visa

It was my 20th day in Abu Dhabi. Till now I didn't get reply from any company. Now everyone was depending on references. I was never comfortable with using references, it just doesn't feel right. My Bhabi's family friend the one I mentioned in my previous blog as cool, smart, competitive and optimistic person came to my rescue. He discussed with his friend, who also was his ex-roommate regarding me and that I am looking for a job.  His friend called me for the interview the next day. He was the Manager of the company. On the day of interview i.e on 5th March 2017, my brother was accompanying me. The inteview was at 8.30 am, the location was a 45 minutes journey by taxi. We got stuck at one point because it was a warehouse zone, so I hesitantly called the Manager and I was amazed by his humbleness, he clearly guided us with the directions , it was 9.00 am by the time we reached the head office, I could see only warehouses. I was expecting a big fancy building. I reached the interview venue. Even though it was a warehouse but inside, there was a big office. It was the centralized Head Office of a Group and I was about to get interviewed to get a job in one of the companies.

When I entered the office with my brother, the office boy made us sit on the Sofa and gave us water. I saw an Indian person in his late thirties sitting in his cabin talking with some other person while I was heading towards the sofa. After a while, he called us inside. I was prepared for this, I was carrying all my documents.The interviewer was the Manager of the Company, who was that bhabi's family friend's friend and the same person I talked with on the phone. This was my first face to face interview in UAE and I was nervous because already 20 days were passed with only ten days in my hands to get a job.I could see my CV on his table. I was a fresher, no experience and nothing impressive on my CV but still the interview went smoothly. Before leaving, the Manager told me to prepare a business plan on a topic which he told he will email me.

Interveiwers have this skill of keeping their facial expression calm and composed, you can never tell what the interviewer is thinking or expecting. This, I am telling by personal experience. In India I got interviewed many times, there I was looking for Chemical engineering Jobs, there used to be 3-4 rounds. In all the companies I made it to the last round that is to the HR round, clearing the General test, Aptitude test, Technical Test, General Interview and then Finally the HR. I always loved the HR round. My interviews used to be great as per my opinion but I always got rejected, never knew why?I used to cry everytime I got rejected. This time I was not trying to predict the interviewer's expression. I was not keeping any high expectations, I was mentally prepared for any decision. We reached home. Waiting for his email and reply.  Next day I received an email from the interviewer with a topic. I did my research on internet the same day, after working for whole day I prepared the Business plan and the next day(7th March) till night I emailed the plan to him. Unsure what will happen next. All I can do was just wait but time was running out. My Job search was at its peak, we were trying everywhere, open to all the opportunities.

Next day, my brother also talked in Administrative department of his company so that they can let him know if there is any vacancy. One of his colleagues responded and I had a telephonic conversation with him. He was the Manager of a big store and was planning to start up his own company in India. He asked me few general HR questions and then immediately he came to the main point. It was sudden for me to digest what he asked me next. He asked me," Are you confident enough to manage a whole company?", I’ll be doing the investment in you & in the company, you will be preparing the business plan, the estimated investment for that company and will overview the complete execution of the plan, can you do that?". This was a very serious question for me. It's an opportunity anyone would wish for. I was wondering, has he even read my CV. Managing a company is no joke. I answered him, " If given the opportunity and with proper guidance I'll definitely give my best and can run a company". To this he said," Okay, if you don't get a job here, give me a call, I will consider you for a job in Mumbai " and after some general talk, exchange of information,the call ended. Even today when I think of that conversation I couldn't tell the value/significance of that telephonic interview. Did I messed up/was he trying to politely say no to me/was he even serious?" I don't know but then I never called back/he never called me back.

In the meantime I also got interviewed by one of my brother's acquaintances, he was running a Vedic maths coaching classes. My brother thought maybe we should try this also, my teaching experience will be an advantage. After my brother came back from office, we went to meet him. The person I met there was an expert in Vedic maths- Techniques that are taught to solve maths problem faster, playing with numbers is fun. I thought this would be a great opportunity to learn something new. I was open for everything, I was like a molten material ready to take any shape, willing to learn everything but then again why would anyone will pay/spend their time on me, giving training to me,because I am the one who needs the job, they don't need a teacher/an employee. The man was in his fifties. People with experience always guide you by sharing their valuable experiences. He was very clear that there was no vacancy for me but he did give me his precious time and some useful advice and tips. He adviced me on different options to get a job in UAE. Infact he suggested me to start something of my own in a freehold zone. Freehold zones are places in UAE, the owner of such an estate/properties enjoys free ownership for perpetuity and can use the land for any purposes however in accordance with the local regulations.He said," If you don't get a job, start something of your own and then you will be the one giving jobs to other people but for that you will need to apply for "Azad visa". Azad visa means a visa to be purchased from a company not to work in that company but to work independently. It has its boon and bane. It was a great advice but I couldn't understand why everyone is telling me to directly take a  big leap. I always believed that we should start slow, working on our basics and building a strong foundation. I mean when you are fresher, you have no idea about the market, about the outer world, about managing people, about management, there are many other things such as accounting, finances,designing etc. It is agreed that these work will be done by that concerned department person but managing them is the main thing. If for example an accountant present a report then we should be able to understand it. This takes time and experience.Are they missing the point that, I was just a teacher with 2 years experience and an Engineer by qualification with no actual industrial/corporate experience after graduation. This is what my CV was showing. So what is it that is making everyone put such high level of faith, trust and confidence that I can do what they are expecting without any prior experience. What were they all trying to explain? Even tough I enjoyed talking and meeting people, learning from their experiences. I was getting no where. Last five days of my visit visa was left.

In these last 10 days, we were trying so hard, everyone was in tension. The tension ultimately showed effect on my health. My return ticket was booked for 14th March. On the night of 10th March with 4 days in hand, I finally prepared myself for the worst, my head was hurting me, the pain was so intense, the whole night I couldn't sleep, I was shivering, I was cold and was having fever. I didn't tell anybody about the headache,cold and fever.In between the night I was applying vicks on my neck and forehead for some relief because of that I was able to sleep  for some 2-3 hours in the morning when suddenly a phone ring woke me up. The day was 11th March, 7.00 am. The call was from the Manager of the company who I sent the business plan. He asked me to be present at the office at 8.30 am for trial. He told me that they will see my work for 4 days in the normal working hours. I was happy, because there was still hope. My bhabi saw the state of my face and my health and she said, " Don't go, tell them you are not well, How can they call on such short notice?". Concern for me from her part was overwhelming but now I cannot miss this final opportunity. I got up and told her," Don't worry, I'll take medicine and  then I will be just fine". Breakfast was not getting down from my throat, some how I got ready within half an hour, took my medicine and took taxi to go to  the interview location. I was unsure how am I gonna handle the taxi journey, in usual days I feel nauseaous travelling in taxi, what will happen today, when I am not in my good health. My brother was accompanying me. To shrug the nauseous feeling, I plugged in the headphone and was working on my breathing to calm myself. That 45 minutes taxi journey was seeming like life time. The time was going slowly. We reached the location, my brother left me there and went for his work and in the office after some waiting, I was summoned in the Manager's office. He welcomed me and then explained and gave me work to prepare some plans and some formats on one of the computers there. First day was a little confusing, everything was new, I didn't even know how to file a paper, it was a different type of file. One sir tried to help me, but manager told him, "Let her do, don't help". This is what I wanted, I always prefer people who instead of helping, teach me how to do that thing. Helping is one time remedy, it makes the person dependent and lazy, teaching or learning on the other hand is for life time. I didn't feel like I did any work, it was like I am net surfing. Till 5.30 pm I completed the work assigned and left for home. This continued till 14th March. Everyday I was assigned some new work. I was learning and growing. Everyday I travelled by taxi, it was expensive. I didn't had bus card then and was left with no other option.On 14th March 2017, I reached office at the same time, completed the assigned work and had a normal chat with the Manager where he explained me in brief my job description and verbally we discussed about salary and other things such as company quota, visa and other procedure. He said, "We will look for company quota and as soon as we have one we will send you the visa"(Not sure how long it will take). I left office early that day, at 3.00 pm because I had my flight at night. I bid my goodbye to everyone and left from the office with a positive note (My mind was filled with some queries but I didn't have time). My bags were already packed. I was ready to head back to India.

When I reached home, I explained and told  my whole conversation with the Manager to my Bhaiya- Bhabi and the Manger's friend who referred me. Everyone was confused, did I get the job or not? because they didn't give me any offer letter, it was just a verbal discussion and as a proof I had nothing with me that showed that they are hiring me. Some people said trial in UAE is common, companies keep candidates for trial till their visit visa ends, get their work done from them and when candidate's visit visa ends they say yes or no based on their performance. An official document was not handed to me by company, which was considered as a disadvantage in my case. I am heading back to India without knowing for sure whether I am hired or not. What will I tell my parents? Did I get the job or not?  We all were hoping that that verbal conversation was final and fixed and soon they will call me or email me the offer letter. Till then I decided not to disclose anything to anybody. Once everything is finalized then only I'll inform my friends, relatives and acquaintances about my job. I left my brother's place at 9.30 pm on 14th March for the airport accompanied by my bhabi, their daughter and the friend who referred me. He is my saviour and in the process I earned a really great friend.  I owe him a lot but all he asked is a party if I am back in Abu Dhabi for work (that is so kind).They left me at the airport. Again I could not express my feelings like how grateful I am for their love, support and efforts. All I can say is" Take care " and I just left. This one month brought a lot of changes in my life, I made and earned some simply amazing bonds and relations for lifetime, met positive, experienced, knowledgeable and humble people. All in all, it was a roller coaster ride with lots of things in my treasure such as great experience, sweet memories, strong emotions and connections.

I landed in Mumbai, India on 15th March and followed by a 5 hour train journey, I was finally home. That five hour journey to home from Airport also was full of unexpected stories and incidents but at the day end I was sitting safely at my house. I was feeling good. I messaged my brother and bhabi. My family members were happy and were asking me about my experience and finally they asked me that question, the answer for which I didn't have." Did you get the job?". I said," I don't know, but I am hopeful about the last interview which I gave,  where they verbally discussed with me everything and told me that once company has quota, they will send me the visa". Although I was not confident and convincing, but my family believed me and suggested me to be prepared for any decision and told me to simultaneously look for job in India(if in case that company in Abu Dhabi will reject me saying, they don't have quota"). Next day I messaged company's Manager informing him about my safe journey back home and I started asking him queries which I had and couldn't clarify because of time limit in UAE. He told me to do attestation of my highest degree from both Indian embassy and from UAE essential for the visa pocess. I had no idea how to get it done and from where to start. I asked for his guidance and help. He initially said, "You should have done this attestation process before coming on Visit visa''. He patiently replied to all my questions and told me to immediately send my Educational certificate for attestation,  as this process takes time. He told me there are agents who does document attestation , try contacting them.Take internet's help. I did as he said, On the same day (16h March), I searched for a company that does document attestation, contacted the agent and sent my document copies and Original degree through courier. Next day they received the courier, the day was Friday and immediately on Saturday, I transferred the advance money(Agent's fees) so that it will be get done soon. The attestation agent told me it will take 7-8 of working days so Saturday-Sunday is out of picture. I understood 7-8 working days means almost 2 weeks. Till 30th March I didn't get any reply from the agent, my patience was wearing off. I was worried because what I sent was my original degree. So I expressed my fear and doubt to the agent. He said" Don't worry Madam, the attestation from given below Indian departments is done and the document is now in Dubai for foreign affairs.You can expect your attested degree till 5th April 2017

• Notary Public – (Mumbai)
• Home department – (Mumbai)
• Ministry Of External Affairs – (Delhi)
• Embassy Attestation – (Delhi)
• Ministry Of Foreign Affairs – (Intended to use country) . 

On  the very next day(31st March) the agent sent me the photo of my attested degree and told me to transfer the remaining amount immediately. I was happy and relieved. I immediately transferred the money and messaged him my proper address where he can courier the document. I told him to send me the courier receipt so that I can track the status.He didn't sent me the receipt so, next day on 1st April, I started conversation with him by casually asking, whether he received the money or not and again requested him to send the receipt. He sent the courier to me on 1st April and told me that I'll get the courier on 3rd April.  One thing was bothering me why the agent is not sending the courier receipt even after my request atleast I 'll track the status, my mind was stuck at that point. 3rd April I waited patiently but I didn't receive any courier. I messaged the agent again in the evening  then he finally sent me the Courier compay name and the courier no.I tracked the status and it was showing dispatched, then where is it? everything was getting on my nerves. I calmed myself and decided to wait for one more day. On 4th April, I waited till 5.00 pm and I was about to give up when I heard a knock on my door and you can imagine how relieved and happy I was when the person at the door was the courier man. I realized how much I bothered the agent during this whole time, so I immediately dropped him the Thank you message and his response was "😆 Thank God".
This part was done. I thought the rest process would be easy, unaware that the other procedures are "the baap of the attestation process".

I immediately informed and emailed my attested documents to the Manager. He said he will contact me soon. From that day(4th April) onwards we were in continuous touch. I was clarifying all my doubts one by one and he was patiently guiding me. While clarifying my doubts, I realized and was now confident that my talk with the Manager was no joke, they are hiring me. I can trust him on that. The realization that I have got a Job and is just completing the formalities was a relief. Still my parents were suggesting me to look for job in India, they were not fully convinced, reason being the same, till now, I didn't get any official paper from the company and all we did is spend money till now.My job quest in India was going on simultaneously and with every pasing day my parents were telling me to try harder, to apply for more jobs and attend interviews even when I was sure that I  have got a job in Abu Dhabi(I was confident  but to respect my parent's views and suggestion, I was applying for different companies in India).I even attended a Job Mela and got interviewed there for a wine industry. I got selected and they called me, but I politely rejected it, telling them I am waiting for my visa.

On 7th April, the Manager assigned me one task so that I will get involved in the office work beforehand and can utilize my time learning something new while waiting for Quota and other process, he told me to prepare a Strategic Pointer Report. He sent me the excel sheet with pointers in the afternoon. My job was to do the research and elaborate the points and submit a report. Whatsapp was our only source of communication so to discuss thoroughly about this new task, we got connected on Skype. I got started on my newly assigned task immediately after talking with the Manager on Skype. Did my research, worked till mid night and finally was able to finish and submit  the report to the Manager the next day in the morning till 8.30 am(8th April). He seemed happy with my work pace . The points which I didn't understand, I asked him and we discussed those details on Skype. I sent him the updated report. He gave me one more task, he emailed me 2-3 half finished reports and told me to  prepare one final report (which needed more research and time)

I was doing work from home and my mother was worried for me beacuse I was working on my Laptop the full time, sometimes even forgetting to eat . My mom used to remind me about food everytime. She told me," You are not even sure whether you have got the job or not and you are working so hard, how hard you will work if you get hired. This is not  the way to work, you should not stress to complete the work when there is no time limit, for now I am here to remind you of food and health, who will take care of you there,if you behave the same way. Never force yourself to finish something which is not urgent and always take care of your health first, work can be done later".
Her worry for me is natural after all it is a mother's heart. Mother's pure and selfless love, words and touch heals everything, you forget all your tiredness, pain, worry. She is the world for me. In her presence, I find only peace and happiness. To calm her down, I told her that I will not behave the same if I get hired.

To everyone's relief, finally the company sent me Employment contract on 9th April. Now I had a legal  document, my parents were happy. Without any further doubts, my parents and everyone told me to focus on this job and my preparation started. I started my research on the procedures to be followed. In case of doubts, my saviour was my Manager. When I look back a year ago, I laugh reading the messages I have sent him, asking so many questions. I was so naive. Next  few days went on research and planning. Already the documents were attested, the next procedure was Medical test. On 15th April I did my Medical Test in GAMCA Center, Mumbai. On 17th April, Sir sent me visa appointment message. I got my Medical reports the next day and it was "FIT". Next and Final step was Visa stamping for which I needed to go to UAE Embassy in New Delhi. I was facing difficulties getting train tickets, we hired an agent but he was delaying every time, this wasted a lot of our time so we took matter in our hand and booked our tickets online of 1st May 2017(0.05am). In this time i.e from 17th April to 30th April, I was kept busy by my Manager because he assigned me more tasks. My family decided that my elder sister will be accompanying me to Delhi. We were excited for our journey.We planned in such a way that the train ticket which we booked will drop us to Delhi in the morning, so that we will do our visa stamping till aftenoon and can leave the same day in the evening or night whenever the work is done. No need to worry about staying in hotel or finding accomodation.We didn't book the return ticket because we didn't know how much time the visa stamping procedure will take. The plan worked. The train journey was full of fun. When we sisters are together we don't need anyone, we are just perfect travel partners. We enjoyed our journey a lot and reached Delhi on 2nd May at 5.30 am. The Embassy was easy to find, we easily got taxi ro the embassy. The embassy was yet to open but there were already many people in queue. We gathered all the information from the watchman and all our procedure got finished till 2.00 pm afternoon( In UAE embassy women are given first preference otherwise it normally takes atleast two days).  We left the embassy, booked our return ticket on laptop and luckily got tickets for the night train to Mumbai the same day.

Now we had enough time in our hands, we first ate something. We were in Delhi, before the journey itself we were planning of shopping in Delhi, so we utilized that time doing whatever we planned. My sister loves shopping and her taste in clothes is great. She already did her research on shopping spots, so we straightaway went to Saroj Nagar Market, Delhi- It is a famous shopping spot where we can get fancy clothes at afforable price. We did a lot of shopping. I usually don't show interest in shopping but first time in life I enjoyed shopping. After shopping for so long, still we had enough time. We thought we will wait at the train station so we took a rickshaw and at that moment we came up with a plan, we asked the rickshawala to take us to the famous nearby spots before taking us to the train station and the rickshawala was so nice, he took us to so many historical places and on the way he showed us many monuments and government buildings, giving us information just like a tour guide. We didn't get down from rickshaw but it was an amazing experience. We saw India Gate, Red fort, Rajpath, Bhavans and many other tourist places in such a short time. Finally we reached Delhi station to head back home. We were very tired but it was worthwhile. We got our train, it was on the platform when we reached there. We reached Nashik safe and sound. This whole visa stamping process was exhausting, time consuming and expensive. But we somehow managed and successfully completed the complete process by proper planning, help and proper guidance in limited budget.

Now, I was all set to go to Abu Dhabi. I was only waiting for our Manager's reply. He said ,"Don't waste your time and immediately book your air tickets". I was worried of accomodation so I asked him about accomodation. He said ," Don't worry about it, we will find accomodation for you, you just book your tickets". I booked my tickets. The flight was on 10th May 2017 at 10.30 pm. From 3rd May to 10th May, I was cherishing each and every momemt with my family. We start noticing small small things. Finally the departure day came. On 10th May, I bid farewell to my family at the airport, I stepped inside the airport to begin the new phase of my life, a new journey full of opportunities, hope and dreams. I landed in Abu Dhabi on 11th May(Thursday) at 12.35 am. My brother was there to receive me. After some sleep, I got freshen up and reached office around 11.00 am the same day(11th May 2017). In the office, everyone welcomed me, all my joining formalities were completed, I was introduced to the Managing director & to all my colleagues. Everyone made me comfortable. They gave me my working desk. On that day I entered the professional world.

One of my colleague already searched an accomodation for me, so after office we went to see the accomodation. It was a very small room but it was enough for one person. We all left for the day. I told my bhaiya-bhabi about the accomodation and we decided to shift my luggage the next day(Friday) which was our off day. In UAE, Friday is the week off. On Friday we did all the shifting, cleaning and arranging and after spending some time my Bhaiya and Bhabi went back home. I was alone in the room but I was happy waiting for the sun of my life to rise. From Saturday (13th May 2017) my regular job started.

This is my story about my experience when I was on vist visa and how my visit visa turned into an Employment visa- My journey from Visit visa to Employment visa.The experience is special to me because it gave me confidence, hope and belief in destiny and unseen divine power. It gave me an amazing family, friends and a mentor(Our Manager). From that day till now, I am only growing, learning new things, taking all the challenges and experiencing a whole new world.

" LIFE IS A SERIES OF THOUSANDS OF TINY MIRACLES, NOTICE THEM"
I noticed them and want you all to do the same, you will be amazed by the way life will surprise you.

Spoiler:Next time onwards my blogs will be stories of people, incidents, issues, events and emotions that I felt, that changed my perceptive, influenced my thoughts and brought changes in my life.