World for me was always a protective confined environment with people always acting as a protective shield, guarding me, keeping me safe from any harm. When I was a kid, that protective shield were and still are my parents, in my toddler and teenage,the one person who always stood by my side,no matter what,fighting with other people (if they tease me or harm me), is my elder sister. Even today I look up at her for help if there is a problem.I place her forward if there is a fight or we are bargaining at a shop, if I want to talk to an important person on phone or if I want to avoid any unpleasant/boring event. At school teachers protected me and no one dared troubling me because I was too sincere to handle.Teachers admired me because I was competitive and studious.
Till 12th standard, I never actually knew what the real world is like. After my 12th, I applied for B. Tech in Chemical Engineering and got selected in an university. This was the first time I was stepping out in the real world, away from home. I was not scared in fact I was excited and happy. I was never home-sick and I still wonder why?Maybe because technology made it easy for us to stay connected. For me all I need to know is " Everyone I love are happy and healthy".
In the University, I got fabulous friends and roommates who always supported me, guided me, motivated me, backed me when I was in trouble, cheered me when I was sad and above all loved me. They were my shield, my family in the university. Even my university professors were supportive and concerned enough that never made me realise that I am not home. Four years just flew by.
After graduation when I came back home, I realised my shields are falling slowly, because I was busy preparing my own confined world where the only person I was with was "me" and this way I was stopping/resisting my shields from protecting me, I was cornering everyone,hiding everything,trying to be oblivious but I failed miserably because there are people in my life who were still trying to hold that shield from falling down. They cared so much that I just couldn't give up.They wanted to help me and I wondered why? Why does anyone care? I did nothing for them so why are they trying to help me?Back then I was scared of being vulnerable. I was shy,conservative and a worrier. In that two years time span(2015-2017), I was continuously searching for meaning,purpose of my life. Time in and time out, I felt that I am useless,not good enough, average person with nothing but a person with unstitched flaws. I was turning against my own self. I was my biggest enemy then. I was drowning in my own sea of despair, blaming myself for everything that is going wrong.
I survived that phase because of "An Answer" to one question. I have this very annoying habit of asking one question repeatedly to my family until my heart is satisfied with the answer.That question is" Sab thik ho jayega na?"(Everything is gonna be okay na?) and I always expect a positive reply for this question and their answer always used to be" Ha, sab thik ho jayega"(Everything is gonna be fine). God knows how many times in a single day I used to bother my Mom & sister asking this same single question, at times my sister used to get frustrated but their answer to me was always positive, they tackled me patiently and I believed them.
To keep my mind away from negativity I started going on early morning walks, reading more and more books, indulging myself in household work and things started to change. Morning walks made me mindful, I became aware of everything around me, I became aware of my breathe,the beautiful nature around me with birds chirping and the sun rising, my body movements,my mind was gaining clarity. Time really is a healer. It was healing my mind,nourishing my soul and I was feeling happy and energetic. My health which was a mess was getting better. Slowly and steadily I was getting rid of all the problems. I didn't even realise that my question " Everything is gonna be fine na?" is no longer a question, I unconsciously transformed it into a statement.Only one problem was left" A real job", I met many people who demotivated me by telling me things like "It's almost 2 years, now it is difficult to get a job, you don't have experience" and similar other stuff. This quote best suited my situation then
“Everyone tells you what's good for you. they don't want you to find your own answers. They want you to believe theirs.”
I chose to ignore them, I wanted to find my own answers.
That was the time when I got an invitation to go to Abu Dhabi from my brother whose existence I was unaware of. We once talked about it on phone but I thought he was joking but when he sent the Air ticket and Visit Visa, at that time I realised he was serious.
I was hesitant because many questions were flooding my mind like what I will do in one month? I don't have experience, why would anyone will give me a job?Will it be a fruitful journey( if not I will be a big disappointment) or will it be just waste of money? There were no interviews waiting for me, the plan was to go to Abu Dhabi, start searching jobs by dropping CV on different job portals and company websites and if they reply then attend the interview and wait for the results and all I had was one month in my hand. Getting a job seemed next to impossible for me in my thoughts, that's why I was hesitating because it doesn't feel practical and logical and I was lacking the will to go,unlike hostel time, this time I was scared and not excited. Scared of disappointing my parents but my father insisted me to go. He said, "Don't worry, even if you don't get the job, I won't be disappointed, just try, if you fail consider this journey as a holiday, go out and see the world". I never wanted to visit Abu Dhabi, but my brother had already sent the ticket and visa and I couldn't say no to my father. I prepared my mind for the worst and hoped for the best.
The date was set and on 14th Feb 2017, I found myself standing in a different country. I was at my brother's residence in Abu Dhabi, where within 15 minutes I have a family, they welcomed me in their family whole heartedly as if I was always a part of their life? How can they love me, if they don't know me, they never met me before. I was overwhelmed by their love and care. Whenever I meet with people who share their bad experience with fellow human being, I always thank God and feel fortunate and blessed, people who know me often hear me saying these words ," I am very lucky with people, I am gifted, because in my life I always meet nice, kind and loving people".
My count down to get a job had already begun, for almost 1 week I was just researching, dropping CV's on job portals. My brother gave me a list of Email Id's for almost all the companies in UAE (I guess because there were so many email id's, I didn't bother counting). I prepared my CV as per UAE format and I must say it was really unimpressive. I emailed my CV to almost all the email id's. My brother was trying really hard, getting out of his comfort zone, sending request emails to people he know(for me). Job search was going no where, it was like searching for a needle in the haystack but my bond with my Abu dhabi family was getting stronger and deeper with each passing day. I met 4 more amazing people. My brother's friend and colleague(He is really cool,ever-ready, helpful and empathetic), My bhabi's sister's friend (She is beautiful, intelligent, kind and sweet) and her husband(He is funny, enthusiastic, active, observant and a very good listener), My bhabi's family friend(He is smart, cool, competitive and really optimistic). They all are simply amazing. They without any hesitation added me to their Whats app group. They all were so helpful and supportive,trying in their own way to help me out,giving references.
Everything was going great, I was getting comfortable, they all started knowing me as a person. "Everybody was happy but..........",why is it that there is always a "but", which means"something went wrong" and yes something did went wrong. My bhabi's sister was facing some visa problem. She recently got interviewed for a job interview and got selected but her medical reports created a problem. When she was in India she got treated for TB, after that she got better, but that mark remained and was spotted in the X-ray that was performed in the medical procedure as per UAE law before issuing employment visa. UAE Law immediately ban people with present or history with TB. This one news turned our world upside down. My bhabi's sister is a very mirthful and fun loving person, she is a person who brings life to the party, you will never get bored with her and the thought of she leaving the country was shocking and heart breaking. All the happiness was gone. Everyone was trying to keep her spirit up, to be hopeful, looking for solutions, researching on similar cases but nothing worked.She bravely accepted the decision and made up her mind. To cheer her up we all decided to go out on a trip and create some beautiful memories. We enjoyed our late night trips to different parks, Dubai Mall, Burj Khalifa, creek temple and luckily that time Global village was going on so, we took that opportunity to make most of our time together(To know more about Global Village please click the below link)
2-3 days after the trip she went back to India. Before leaving, she wished me luck with a smiling face and gave me some tips. I just couldn't explain the feeling of helplessness, why me?I could have known her better,why this has to happen to her?Am I unlucky for her(I was feeling guilty secretly)?Why did it happen the exact same month when I came on visit? I was a no-one but that day I realised that my existence counts because she was in trouble and still she was hoping best for me. That day I learned from her that " When you accept the fact that somethings are not in our control and by holding it we are only hurting ourselves, the best option is to let go and smile". Everyone were sad and missing her but "Life has to move forward. Everything has its time and everything ends". Things began to get back to normal.Now everyone was focusing on me and spending their energy to get me a job.
It was almost 20 days, I was feeling guilty, I felt like a burden because even during that stressful time, my bhabi was worried for me, my brother was running day and night trying to sort things. I only had one telephonic interview which was from some Laboratory and they never ever called me back after that. Time was running out, now everyone were like take any job. I was back to square one. I didn't lose hope. I was mentally prepared for anything because this experience combined with my two years struggle with myself definitely changed me as a person. I was training my mind to see the positive side of life and I was succeeding. Every person I met with, I was only seeing opportunities. I have read these lines somewhere,
" A negative thinker sees difficulty in every opportunity. A positive thinker sees opportunity in every difficulty"
and I must emphasize that I was becoming that positive thinker. Life taught me to enjoy the present moments, leaving behind the bitterness of the past and to stop worrying about the future. Worrying will never solve any problem but it will definitely add to your misery. I just love this cycle because it solves all my problems. I apply it whenever I feel I am stressed or is overthinking. It works.
Now I was not a no-one because every time I was low the universe amazed me by showing that “There are no ordinary moments.”. Everyone is special and every moment is precious. So just enjoy life.
Spoiler: Wondering what happened about my job? Next time I will share with you how the status of my visa changed from Visit to Employment..........to be continued
Good going gal.....waiting for the Nxt one.....👍
ReplyDeleteThank you Poonam for your support and encouragement.
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